ANALysis January 5, 1998
Dear Dr. Max,
This is a problem of a sexual nature, perhaps you can respond to me directly. My husband had been pestering me for some time to have anal sex with him. To get him off my back, I finally agreed. After the initial, excruciating pain, I had the best sex of my life! It put all my other orgasms to shame. I can't even imagine going back to sex the old way. Hence, the problem. My husband now tells me he didn't really enjoy anal sex and is angry that I won't return to our old positions. Personally, I don't see the point. He says I'm putting my orgasms ahead of our relationship. So what if I am! I think he's just intimidated by the strength of my orgasms and by me becoming fulfilled sexually.
What should I do? Please don't tell me to return to vaginal and clitoral orgasms.
Call me Anal Retentive
First you wanted him OFF your back, now you want him ON!
I once consulted with a certain Material Girl who had the same issue as you -- that being, butt-sex was her favorite nookie. So you're not alone in this.
First, you should read all the crap about what the safest ways to engage in this type of intercourse are. Second, no matter what that stuff says, know that that hole just isn't designed for that purpose, namely, going in through the out door. You must weigh the risks with the benefits and exercise due moderation, especially if your husband has a large penis and/or takes a long time to ejaculate.
Regarding your problem: Many things can account for your lover's reaction. Perhaps the intensity of your orgasm frightened him. Perhaps he was seeking to fulfill one fantasy, that of taking total advantage of you in a "bad" way, or of re-taking your virginity, while the actual experience turned out differently. Either way, his expectations were not fulfilled.
There are two ways you can approach this. You can try the sneaky approach, which is to take it in the derrière anyway, and hope he doesn't notice. Geographically speaking, the vagina and the anus are very close to each other. Politically, they're miles apart. Allow me to share one of my own secretes d' boudoir. Often, even I am not quite sure whether my manliness is going in the 'P' or the 'A.' I just assume that my wife would yelp appropriately were Thor to venture o'er the Netherworld instead of Valhalla. You can also try the open approach, which is to be sensitive to your partner's expectations and communicate your own. Find out what he was expecting that he didn't get. Together you can work on having both your needs fulfilled.
Enough of this! I'm not Dr. Ruth, after all. Try these suggestions and let me know how things end up.
- Dr. Max
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